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Dick

Male | Age unspecified | Under 3 minutes
Starts on page 21

EXTRACT: Don't get me started on the level of hygiene in the majority of public toilets. You try applying the tools of the trade under a blue fluoro-light. I remember a time when you didn't need safe needle disposal for taking a shit. But there you go. There's nothing funny anymore. Everything's gone beyond laughter. It's open slather out there. I'll give you the precis. Number one rule for happy living - be true to yourself. No one else is going to be. And that way - at least you'll know you're the real deal.

Contains coarse language
Contains adult themes

Dick

Male | Age unspecified | 3 to 5 minutes
Starts on page 39

EXTRACT: Some people have a grasp on how short life is. They realise that being significant outweighs all other considerations. Some people don't. And one day they die insignificantly. Which are you? What is it you hoped to gain from this torment of your shitpot remote torture amateur psychology? Because you know what you achieved? I will put you in a sleeper hold. I will put you in a stranglehold that will make your balls drop. You even mention her name and I will descend on you with the wrath of the righteous.

Contains coarse language
Contains adult themes