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Uncle Mal

Male | 30s
Starts on page 14

EXTRACT: Quiet, Connor! [To the LADY] He was cheeky—but that doesn’t mean he’s an idiot. So you take your judgments out the door, and you don’t need to worry about you—or your money—coming back to see me anytime later. ’Bye. Silence.[MAL and the LADY stare at each other. Finally she crumples and drops the paper, turns and leaves] What the hell was that about? I don’t care, Connor. Sorry’s just a word people say after they’ve done something stupid. And all I care about’s why you’ve done something stupid. You’re old enough—and clever enough—to know better. You got good parents who love you, no matter how much you try to make them not. And I know you think what you’re going through’s just a phase. And it is. But what maybe you don’t know, Connor—what no-one told me—is some phases, they have memories… that hang around for years after they’re done. And those memories… they’re the awful bit. They’re the most embarrassing things you’ll ever feel, and you’ll keep feeling them, for a long time. I’m only saying this ’cause… I know them. And ’cause I don’t want you to always be carrying them round like I do, still now. So you finish your phase. And you finish it soon. ’Kay?


Female | Teen
Starts on page 31

EXTRACT: Oh. Oh, well… Good, Connor. Yeah, you have a good think then. You just…Beat. She watches him. ’Cause that’s what… that’s what we’re doing, isn’t it? That’s what you’re doing—that’s what this is. You’re playing being out here in the forest, with the… the smashy-hand chick that you met—that you nearly shot in the face. And you… kissed her a bit. And kissing’s fun—that’s cool. And then… you messed up a shack with her! Oh! And that felt like such a… relief! Wow, you felt so empowered by that. That was a really… really brave thing of you to do. Of us to do. Punk kids— fuck… And you, you tell stories—about punching someone, punching your friend. Or… smashing a window! Wow, we’re angry. That’s anger there. Don’t fuck with us. We’re angry young people, yeah. Beat. But then. Then when we’ve had enough of all that—all this being crazy… being-crazy-in-a-forest. Then it’s time to go home. Isn’t it? Then it’s time to go back home, back to the ones who love you. Who love us! We’re so loveable! So fucking… And that’s it. That’s your phase. Done. That was you being angry— but that’s okay. ’Cause there was never really anything to… to be angry about. You see it now. Just had to… to let off steam, that’s all.